Showing all entries for December 2011

Dec 25, 2011


Dec 19, 2011


Two Girls and a Gas Station

tags: bffs, ftw

This past weekend, my BFF Anne and I drove to LA to see our BFF Kate and her BFF Jenna for Estrogenpalooza 2011. Also in attendance were Kate's adorable 4 year old daughter, who provided giggles and endless Christmas music, and her husband Mark, who tried (and thankfully succeeded) to not kill himself.

Anyway, before we begin this story, I would just like to point out that BFF Anne and I are not stupid. Between us we have 3 degrees, 300 IQ points, and can talk in pie charts. ANNE DRIVES STICK. We are not stupid. You will find this very hard to believe as I continue.

So there we were, me and my copilot, rolling down the I-10 on our way to LA when hey, there's a gas station, let's fill up the car and get snacks and stuff! Great idea! I pull up to the pump and Anne jumps out with her credit card to pay for the gas. Insert the card, pull it out...nothing. Insert the card, pull it out...nothing. Insert the card, pull it out...Enter your zip - yes! Er, no wait, nothing. Anne surmises that maybe there is something wrong with this pump. Broken, it must be. Yes, that must be it. I'll just back up to the other pump.

Insert card, pull it out, enter your zip, yes! This one totally works! Select the gas, put the schnozzle in the tank, click the schnozzle thingy so you don't have to stand there and hold it while it pumps, and go off for snacks.

All is well in the Elleverse.

Snacks acquired, we get back to the car, I put the schnozzle back where it belongs, look up at the price and see: $88.52. I turn back to the car to put the gas cap on and then, wait, WTF? $88.52? How much is gas, $9 a gallon? I only needed a quarter tank. And then I see something like 25 gallons and I'm like: I think I maybe have a 15 gallon tank, in what universe is this even possible?

All is not well in the Elleverse.

"Anne, we have a problem."

So out comes Anne in full problem solving mode, reaching possibly for a calculator, or maybe a slide rule, I'm not sure. I point at the pump, I point at the car. "This isn't possible, Anne." Anne goes inside to investigate. Facts are needed.

Like, 5-7 minutes goes by. On Anne's end I think the story went something like: the lady behind the counter looked at her like, WTF ARE YOU SOME KIND OF IDIOT? On my end it totally started to dawn on me: oh you moron you never pumped any gas, this is from the person before you.

WE ARE NOT STUPID. We just, you know, have our moments.

In non stupid moments, Anne whipped up a skirt for me worthy of fashion week and I'd be happy to show it to you if only she'd give it to me.

In exceptionally stupid moments, I went all the way to LA with every single thing I could possibly need to sew EXCEPT the damn cord that powers the damn machine. Or in other words: the one thing that didn't take up the entire trunk of my car.

Ok, so let's end this on a fun note: the adorable 4 year old. TA4YO likes Christmas music so Kate put a radio in her playroom and tuned it to a Christmas station with a playlist that was maybe 20 songs deep. Awesome, it's Bing Crosby. Again. Kate and Anne leave to pick up Mark at work, and leave me to kid sit. I know, seriously, someone trusts me with their kid, your mind is blown. So there I am, kid sitting. Snow White, er, no, I can't remember which princess it was but she was getting married to a unicorn and there were some aliens, and a fireman, and you know, like that. And the Christmas music. The DJ announces the next song which is I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus and I say:

Mommy was kissing Santa?

TA4YO, who had her back to me, turns around, waves me off, and says: no, don't worry, it's just a song.

Don't worry. LOL, kids.

Dec 14, 2011

1 comment

Knock Knock...

tags: bffs, ftw

I belong in slothville

OMG, seriously, it's been a month. I suck.

November is always a crazy month for me. I have, like, 8 birthdays, one of which is mine, and one of which is my mother's. And hers usually falls on Thanksgiving, which she usually hosts, which means I have to supervise lest she get drunk on $8 wine and spill hot gravy on herself. Or drop the turkey on the floor. (True story. Both, actually.) But this year I got a reprieve because The Cousin From Boston came to town and thus The Uncle hosted Thanksgiving. And I learned something very important about myself.

You know how you get back to life after Thanksgiving and people say, hey, how was your Thanksgiving, and you say: oh I went to my mom/aunt/brother's house and my crazy uncle/sister/cousin was there and s/he got drunk and...hopefully that story ends well but probably not? Well guess what? I'm that person. Seriously, I'm pretty sure I threatened to cut a bitch over cornbread. In a very humorous way, of course.

Also, PROTIP: you know that Godiva Chocolate Liqueur stuff? Yeah, don't drink that like Jager.

So yeah, it took like 3 days to get over that hangover. And then I worked on the new Audio Damage site for like 2 weeks straight. I knew I had suffered some serious tunnel vision when I looked at my RSS feed and saw: you have 3,984,857,492,048 unread items.

AND THEN, amid all this, The Crandall got The Valley Fever. That was fun. Actually, he still has it. And it's still fun. So that I lost half of November makes sense, but that I lost half of December before I realized I'd lost half of December leaves me kinda scratching my head.

And now...I'm off again. To LA for a GIRL'S WEEKEND. And by GIRL'S WEEKEND I don't mean me and the BFF are off for a couple of days, I mean it is A MEETING OF THE BFFS. There will be cooking and sewing and wine and sushi and at least three of us will be wearing stupid high heels and at least one of us (ok two of us) will make inappropriate vibrator jokes. And one of us will blush. Tee-hee.

So yeah, I have to pack. My shoes. And then whatever else I remember to bring. It's just us ladies driving out so I'm guessing there's a high probability that hilarity will ensue - I will try to remember to tweet it as it happens.
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