Showing all entries for ftw

Dec 19, 2011


Two Girls and a Gas Station

tags: bffs, ftw

This past weekend, my BFF Anne and I drove to LA to see our BFF Kate and her BFF Jenna for Estrogenpalooza 2011. Also in attendance were Kate's adorable 4 year old daughter, who provided giggles and endless Christmas music, and her husband Mark, who tried (and thankfully succeeded) to not kill himself.

Anyway, before we begin this story, I would just like to point out that BFF Anne and I are not stupid. Between us we have 3 degrees, 300 IQ points, and can talk in pie charts. ANNE DRIVES STICK. We are not stupid. You will find this very hard to believe as I continue.

So there we were, me and my copilot, rolling down the I-10 on our way to LA when hey, there's a gas station, let's fill up the car and get snacks and stuff! Great idea! I pull up to the pump and Anne jumps out with her credit card to pay for the gas. Insert the card, pull it out...nothing. Insert the card, pull it out...nothing. Insert the card, pull it out...Enter your zip - yes! Er, no wait, nothing. Anne surmises that maybe there is something wrong with this pump. Broken, it must be. Yes, that must be it. I'll just back up to the other pump.

Insert card, pull it out, enter your zip, yes! This one totally works! Select the gas, put the schnozzle in the tank, click the schnozzle thingy so you don't have to stand there and hold it while it pumps, and go off for snacks.

All is well in the Elleverse.

Snacks acquired, we get back to the car, I put the schnozzle back where it belongs, look up at the price and see: $88.52. I turn back to the car to put the gas cap on and then, wait, WTF? $88.52? How much is gas, $9 a gallon? I only needed a quarter tank. And then I see something like 25 gallons and I'm like: I think I maybe have a 15 gallon tank, in what universe is this even possible?

All is not well in the Elleverse.

"Anne, we have a problem."

So out comes Anne in full problem solving mode, reaching possibly for a calculator, or maybe a slide rule, I'm not sure. I point at the pump, I point at the car. "This isn't possible, Anne." Anne goes inside to investigate. Facts are needed.

Like, 5-7 minutes goes by. On Anne's end I think the story went something like: the lady behind the counter looked at her like, WTF ARE YOU SOME KIND OF IDIOT? On my end it totally started to dawn on me: oh you moron you never pumped any gas, this is from the person before you.

WE ARE NOT STUPID. We just, you know, have our moments.

In non stupid moments, Anne whipped up a skirt for me worthy of fashion week and I'd be happy to show it to you if only she'd give it to me.

In exceptionally stupid moments, I went all the way to LA with every single thing I could possibly need to sew EXCEPT the damn cord that powers the damn machine. Or in other words: the one thing that didn't take up the entire trunk of my car.

Ok, so let's end this on a fun note: the adorable 4 year old. TA4YO likes Christmas music so Kate put a radio in her playroom and tuned it to a Christmas station with a playlist that was maybe 20 songs deep. Awesome, it's Bing Crosby. Again. Kate and Anne leave to pick up Mark at work, and leave me to kid sit. I know, seriously, someone trusts me with their kid, your mind is blown. So there I am, kid sitting. Snow White, er, no, I can't remember which princess it was but she was getting married to a unicorn and there were some aliens, and a fireman, and you know, like that. And the Christmas music. The DJ announces the next song which is I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus and I say:

Mommy was kissing Santa?

TA4YO, who had her back to me, turns around, waves me off, and says: no, don't worry, it's just a song.

Don't worry. LOL, kids.

Dec 14, 2011

1 comment

Knock Knock...

tags: bffs, ftw

I belong in slothville

OMG, seriously, it's been a month. I suck.

November is always a crazy month for me. I have, like, 8 birthdays, one of which is mine, and one of which is my mother's. And hers usually falls on Thanksgiving, which she usually hosts, which means I have to supervise lest she get drunk on $8 wine and spill hot gravy on herself. Or drop the turkey on the floor. (True story. Both, actually.) But this year I got a reprieve because The Cousin From Boston came to town and thus The Uncle hosted Thanksgiving. And I learned something very important about myself.

You know how you get back to life after Thanksgiving and people say, hey, how was your Thanksgiving, and you say: oh I went to my mom/aunt/brother's house and my crazy uncle/sister/cousin was there and s/he got drunk and...hopefully that story ends well but probably not? Well guess what? I'm that person. Seriously, I'm pretty sure I threatened to cut a bitch over cornbread. In a very humorous way, of course.

Also, PROTIP: you know that Godiva Chocolate Liqueur stuff? Yeah, don't drink that like Jager.

So yeah, it took like 3 days to get over that hangover. And then I worked on the new Audio Damage site for like 2 weeks straight. I knew I had suffered some serious tunnel vision when I looked at my RSS feed and saw: you have 3,984,857,492,048 unread items.

AND THEN, amid all this, The Crandall got The Valley Fever. That was fun. Actually, he still has it. And it's still fun. So that I lost half of November makes sense, but that I lost half of December before I realized I'd lost half of December leaves me kinda scratching my head.

And now...I'm off again. To LA for a GIRL'S WEEKEND. And by GIRL'S WEEKEND I don't mean me and the BFF are off for a couple of days, I mean it is A MEETING OF THE BFFS. There will be cooking and sewing and wine and sushi and at least three of us will be wearing stupid high heels and at least one of us (ok two of us) will make inappropriate vibrator jokes. And one of us will blush. Tee-hee.

So yeah, I have to pack. My shoes. And then whatever else I remember to bring. It's just us ladies driving out so I'm guessing there's a high probability that hilarity will ensue - I will try to remember to tweet it as it happens.

Nov 8, 2011

1 comment


I'll let you guess how old I am today. :)

(Also, I'm not panicking. It feels good.)

Nov 7, 2011


Success! (aka: I survived!)

So maybe it was just beginner's luck, but our party went off without a hitch. I didn't cut myself, I didn't burn myself, it's like I had a guardian kitchen angel or something. Who is the patron saint of chefs, anyone know? (Googling, googling... LOL, Saint Martha)

I only have this one photo for you because the birthday boy took it - there just wasn't time to make flower arrangements AND food AND take photos. You'll just have to trust me that it all looked very pretty. That's a caramelized onion tart on puff pastry I'm holding up - the rest of the menu included:

1. Feta Salsa: I doubled everything but the sundried tomatoes, and skipped the olive oil because the tomatoes were packed in oil. This was a HUGE hit.
2. Guacamole: nothing fancy here, just the standard Joy of Cooking recipe. I asked them how much heat they wanted and the answer was little to none, so I thought maybe people would think it was bland, but it was also a big hit.
3. White bean and roasted red pepper dip
4. Fresh spinach dip with yogurt and basil

1. Caramelized onion, goat cheese and fig jam
2. Fontina, red onion, watercress and grape
3. Artichoke and green olive
4. Tomato, basil and balsamic vinegar

Then we had the aforementioned onion tarts, garlic semolina crackers with ricotta, a meat and cheese tray, crudites with celery, bell pepper, cherry tomato, carrot, cucumber and radishes, and we ended the night with adorable little boxes filled with chocolate chip cookies, oatmeal cranberry cookies and various candies.

Anne did an amazing job with the flowers and OMG super mcduper extra big thanks to my future sister-in-law Erin The Great who not only provided us with a very necessary extra set of hands, but totally knows her way around a kitchen, and also washed and dried and rewashed and redried (ad infinitum) every single dish, bowl, spoon, fork, cutting board, so on and so forth.

The party was Saturday and from beginning to end a 12 hour day for us. I had every intention of falling into bed when I got home and sleeping til noon, but my brain had other plans and I got up at 6:30 on Sunday. WTF, brain? Seriously, I woke up feeling like I'd just got off tour. So I did the only reasonable thing I could do - parked my ass on the couch, watched Buffy, and ate my body weight in pizza.

Tomorrow is another big day for me, but we'll get to that tomorrow...

Nov 4, 2011


My week

Things I accomplished this week:

Baked 200+ cookies
Made 100+ crackers
Caramelized 8 pounds of onions
Made a metric fuckton of fig jam
Made 8 zillion trips to 3 different grocery stores

...and still managed to write a bunch of code.

I know, I'm awesome, right? Don't feel too bad for me though cuz I also managed to fit in at least 2 seasons of Buffy. Hey, a girl needs her mindless guilty pleasures. Don't judge!

Oct 31, 2011


Oct 24, 2011


A day late and a dollar short (aka: music edition)

tags: ftw

You may have seen this Brandt Brauer Frick video make the blog rounds last week; I did but, I don't know, I was busy picking lint out of my belly button or something because I didn't get around to watching/listening til today. OMGWOW. Acoustic Techno. No, seriously.

Go here: Buy Now. Thank me later.

(Or, tell me I'm an idiot because you watched, bought and listened last week.)

Oct 18, 2011

1 comment

10 top tips to end rape! (brilliant edition)

tags: ftw

From Rape Crisis Scotland. Someone should send this to the NYPD.

Oct 11, 2011


Sep 23, 2011

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